In the opening sketch of Saturday Night Live, a number of high-profile criminals including Lori Loughlin and Julian Assange brag about the crimes that got them sent to jail.

Loughlin, played by Kate McKinnon, tells fellow cellmates (played by Chris Redd, Kenan Thompson, and Kyle Mooney) about how she paid $500,000 to get her daughter into USC.

And when her cellmates say she won’t survive in prison, Loughlin counters, “I have been in 68 Hallmark movies, I have seen hell man!”

Michael Avenatti (Pete Davidson) also makes an appearance, bragging to the others about blackmailing Nike and stealing taxes to fund a race car team.

Avenatti even claims this about himself, “And I’m so shady that a porn star once said she had to distance herself from me,” a cheeky reference to Stormy Daniels.


Assange, played by Michael Keaton, assures everyone that he’s the craziest person in the room.

“Yeah, you cheat your schools and you rob your companies, that’s cute, it is, yeah,” he taunts. “I’ve attacked the U.S. military, bitches, cuz I’m an actual James Bond supervillain.”

There was even a brief appearance by Tekashi 6ix9ine, played by Melissa Villaseñor, who bragged about “robbery and gun stuff.”

To see the full video, check below.

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