After almost nine year of being divorced, “Milkshake” singer Kelis has revealed the darker sides of her marriage with rapper Nas. “I didn’t want that to be my career, honestly,” she said.

During the five years that they were married, she shared that she had endured endless mental and physical abuse. She claims that the rapper would constantly black out from drinking, which would lead to him becoming violent. Nas would then wake up “like it never happened.”

Kelis admited that she thinks she would have stayed in the relationship longer if it wasn’t for the fact that she was pregnant. “I probably would have stayed longer had I not been pregnant [with Knight] because I really did love him and because we were married,” she told Hollywood Unlocked. “We weren’t dating, we were married. Like, this was my person.”

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She explained that she had a couple reasons for keeping silent all these years. One being that she knew that her kids would end up seeing the stories posted about them. “I’ve waited nine years to say anything. I have never talked about this man, ever,” she said. “The amount of airing out that I could do, and I’ve chosen not to … Our kids will find out. They’re finding out now. I’ve never painted myself as a saint. Did he hit me? Mhm. Did I hit him back? Mhm.”

Another reason why she kept quiet was because she did not want this to ruin her career. “I didn’t want that to be my career, honestly,” she said.

However, when the news broke out about Chris Brown beating Rihanna, that’s when she made the ultimate decision to leave her marriage. “I remember so clearly when the [Rihanna] pictures came out … ‘cause I [also] had bruises all over my body at that time,” she said. “I wasn’t ready to walk [away]. I just wasn’t. I’m not weak but I’m really private. I don’t like people knowing my business. I felt like, ‘This is my partner. I chose this. We’re gonna do this, we’re gonna make it work.'”

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Nas and his representatives have not commented on his ex-wife’s allegations.

Kelis is now married to real estate agent Mike Mora since 2014.

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