Street Fighter fans have gone through a lot over the years, especially in regards to strange characters. We’ve seen DeeJay, the DJ who’s basically just Bob Marley shooting beams from his hands and feet. We’ve seen a masked wrestler who, with his professional chef side-hustle, learns how to cook by mercilessly beating people in the street. We’ve even seen Bruce Lee and a fire-breathing Gandhi. Now, get ready for: a man who thinks he is a car.

Strange enough for you? I sure hope so. Abigail, rocking a woman’s name, a death-metal get-up, and weighing in at over 500 pounds for his 8-foot frame, is a walking abomination. If you saw this freak clamoring towards you at full speed making car noises, you’d call the police faster than you could grab your phone.

He supposedly originated in the Fatal Fury games along with Poison, Cody, Hugo, and Guy, yet he was never this intimidatingly large. Initially, Abigail was thought to be just another Zangief, yet playing Abigail for even a second proves that theory wrong. Not only is he incredibly easy to play, as his strongest moves require pressing one or two buttons in a direction, but he’s surprisingly complex. He’s also kinda cheap.

His HP makes up for his gargantuan hurt-box, along with a superior range over most of the cast. Normal light punches, whether crouching or standing, have great range and come out fast, while medium punches are great for comboing into “Abigail punch.” Abigail’s sweep covers more than half of the ground, while pressing heavy punch in multiple directions results in over 5 moves with a variety of uses, especially when given armor-breaking capabilities via his V-Trigger. By pressing two kicks, Abigail walks forward with super armor with the option of an overhead kick, knockback-inducing punch, or a powerful grab.

Considering he is the size of a small home, it’s incredibly easy to get overwhelmed as this character, yet as soon as the opponent makes a mistake it is possible, although difficult, to take 80% of their health with a single combo. That said, missing the Critical Art that is necessary for said combo results in Abigail pausing to whine for two seconds, more than enough time for your opponent to get a massive comeback (or a flat-out victory).

With high risk comes high rewards as Abigail drives off to victory. Now I know what you’re thinking “what do the pros think of him?” Daigo and Poonko can’t stop playing him. Those are high-ranking pros, just in case you lived in a cave without Street Fighter. Daigo relies on spamming medium punch with Abigail’s tasty normals (don’t judge me), while Poonko waits for the opponent to leave themselves open. Two different playstyles, yet there are some stunning similarities that give them their place in the top 1000 players.

Abigail Rule #1: You are going to get hit. A lot. Make due with whatever health you will barely have left as the match proceeds, Abigail’s sheer attack power more than makes up for it, especially considering how easy his combos are after a little practice. Don’t be afraid to take a few hits as long as you’re dealing half as many to your opponent, you’d be surprised how many matches are won by using light jabs after taking a boat load of damage. You are a walking target, start acting like one.

Abigail Rule #2: For god’s sake KEEP ATTACKING. His range isn’t that big for no reason, use it and abuse it. Spam moves until you confirm a hit, then try to combo if you can, but, more importantly, never stop. Ever.

Abigail Rule #3: Laugh at him. He’s ridiculous. He wears tires on his arms and ass. The voice acting is purposefully over the top. I mean, really, he’s just the greatest.

Bottom line, Abigail is a surprisingly great character despite how stupid he is. Simple controls, great power, and amazing horsepower. When it comes to unnecessary DLC, Abigail is a huge improvement to season 2 of Street Fighter V. Get it? You get it?! Yeah you do, you loved that joke.