Umm, woo? Isn’t this guy supposed to be a millionaire? Were you listening to The Dude’s story? On Jan. 8, three buffoonish mobsters from Missouri allegedly Tasered and kidnapped Jeff Muller, a 59-year-old New Jersey pet shop owner, in a bizarre case that can only be compared to Jeff Bridge’s cult movie The Big Lebowski. Muller was thrown into a car and then driven half way across the country. Throughout his ordeal, the hapless victim kept insisting they had the wrong Jeff Muller.  “I’m not the guy! I’m just a simple man who sells dog food!” he repeatedly told them. Muller escaped in Lake Ozark, Missouri, and fled to a diner where local law enforcement was called. The three suspects were captured by Missouri police, who described the trio as “bumbling idiots.” They now face extradition to New Jersey. Who the real Jeff Muller is, or what the would-be kidnappers wanted from him, remains unknown. Which is cool, that’s, that’s cool. –JAKE GABLE

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