On Monday night, Justin Bieber went on Instagram to publish a lengthy post discussing the hardships he’s faced regarding his fame, drug usage and prior relationships. Some of these struggles have been alluded to by Bieber, 25, in the past, but never in such an overt, emotional manner.

Bieber opened the post (which he wrote in the iPhone Notes app) by saying how facing life “with the right attitude” is challenging when “you are overwhelmed with” your troubles, problems that feel like they come endlessly. “You start foreseeing the day through lenses of ‘dread’ and anticipate another bad day,” the “Baby” singer writes. “A cycle of feeling disappointment after disappointment. Sometimes it can even get to the point where you don’t even want to live anymore. Where you feel like it’s never going to change.”

Continuing, Bieber empathized with those plagued with that unhealthy mindset, admitting that it’s one he carried for a long time. However, he was fortunate enough to have people who supported him, something he’s eternally grateful for. In spite of his wealth and incredible success, the musician wasn’t happy with his life.

Bieber then segwayed into discussing “the statistics of child stars and the outcome of their life.” Speaking from his own experience, Bieber explained how “there is an insane pressure and responsibility put on a child who’s brain, emotions, frontal lobes (decision making) aren’t developed yet.” People go through phases of rebelliousness and may act irrational as they’re growing up, but something “unexplainable” happens when that’s compounded with being a celebrity and growing up in an “unstable home.” Bieber admits his parents were separated, lacked money and “were still young and rebellious as well.”

“My whole world was flipped on its head,” Bieber said of the two years when his fame rose. He instantly went from being a 13-year-old hailing from “a small town” to someone who had “millions” of fans who venerated him. By the age of 18, Bieber had not yet nurtured his sense of humility (he believes that comes with age), nor did he need to learn any real-world skills or responsibility because he could delegate that onto other people. He also discussed how studies show performing on stage provides “a bigger dopamine rush than almost any other activity,” something that proved dangerous to his impressionable self.

By the time he turned 20, the artist “made every bad decision you could,” finding himself having become disliked on an international level. “I started doing pretty heavy drugs at 19 and abused all my relationships,” Bieber confessed. “I became resentful, disrespectful to women, and angry. I became distant to everyone who loved me, and I was hiding behind, a shell of a person that i had become.” The singer is still feeling the ripple effects of these actions today.

However, Bieber ended his article on a happier note, noting how God “blessed [him] with extraordinary people who love [him] for [him].” Moreover, Bieber’s now engaging in what’s been “the best season of his life” — his marriage to model Hailey Baldwin, 22. “All this to say even when the odds are against you, keep fighting. Jesus loves you,” Bieber closed. “Be kind today, be bold today and love people today, not by your standards but by God’s perfect unfailing love.”

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