Jennette McCurdy Says She’s ‘Glad Her Mom Died’ In New Memoir

In her brand new memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died, iCarly actress Jennette McCurdy writes candidly about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother.

McCurdy’s mother, who died of cancer in 2013, projected her own dreams of stardom onto her daughter in a multitude of toxic ways. The former actress writes that her mother taught her to count calories as a child and would say, “you’re getting chunky.”

When McCurdy begged to quit acting, her mother wailed, “You can’t quit! This was our chance! This was ouuuuuur chaaaance!”

Her mother also told McCurdy that bathroom breaks were “unprofessional” and insisted on showering with her daughter… when McCurdy was well into her teens.

McCurdy understands that the title is pretty jarring – that’s exactly why she chose it.

In an interview with Vanity Fair, the author explained that being “glad [her] mom died” was “a tough thing for [her] to come to terms with. And the things that are difficult to come to terms with are often the things that need to be said the most.”

When her mother passed, the iCarly star was understandably faced with complex and mixed emotions. The loss was painful, but the newfound freedom was invigorating.

These past few years, the former actress has sought ways to accept her reality and heal. “I’d feel she didn’t deserve my sadness. It was very complicated. And since finishing the book, I’m able to miss her without it being so complicated. I’m able to just have a simpler grief experience, which – as strange as it sounds – is a relief. A relieving grief.”

In her book, McCurdy also details mistreatment she endured on the set of iCarly. “The Creator” (presumably Dan Schneider) encouraging her to wear bikinis often, and to drink when she was a teenager.

“I feel similarly around The Creator as I feel around Mom – on edge, desperate to please, terrified of stepping out of line,” she writes. McCurdy allegedly turned down $300,000 of “hush money” from Nickelodeon to stay quiet about her experiences there.

After decades of Nickelodeon and parental trauma, McCurdy is still standing. And these days, she’s able to find moments of levity in the darkness. “I laugh because I never could have imagined what it would feel like to be on the other side of those events, and to be able to write about them… I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, oftentimes. So to be able to be here now, it feels really empowering.”