As the lights went down at the Beverly Hilton for the  Golden Globes Awards 2016, Ricky Gervais made his way onto the stage and immediately began telling the audience to “shush.”


He greeted the audience with this opener. “You disgusting, pilling popping, sexual deviant scum. I want to do this monologue and go into hiding,” he deadpanned. “Not even Sean Penn will find me.”

It all went downhill from there! Here are the top ten best jokes Gervais made during his monologue:

  1. To the stars’ spouses: “A few of you just married well, you all know who you are.” –
  2. “Let’s thank NBC for hosting this tonight because there is obviously nothing in it for them, they weren’t nominated for anything.”
  3. “I am going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed but not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously.”
  4. “As if a movie star would stay away from winning a Golden Globe, particularly if their film company already paid for it.”
  5. On Jennifer Lawrence’s call for equal pay for women in Hollywood: “Nurses and factory workers round the world fighting on whether a 25 year old can live on $52 million a year.”
  6. “I am getting paid the exact same as Tina [Fey] and Amy [Poehler] as last year. It’s not my fault they split the money, now is it? It’s their stupid fault.”
  7. Matt Damon is here tonight for his film The Martian. It was deemed a comedy and to be fair The Martian was a lot funnier then Pixels, but then again so was Schindler’s List…”
  8. “Female remakes are a big in Hollywood and the film companies will also benefit because they won’t have to spend too much money on the cast.”
  9. “Listen, if you do win tonight no one cares about that award as much as you do. Don’t get emotional, its embarrassing. That award is, no offense, worthless.”
  10. On what he’s done with the Globes he’s won: “To be fair, that was a joke about shoving Golden Globes, that I’ve won, up my ass and they asked me to host four times.”

 

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