WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 25: President Barack Obama listens as comedienne Cecily Strong of the Saturday Night Live show speaks at the annual White House Correspondent's Association Gala at the Washington Hilton hotel April 25, 2015 in Washington, D.C. The dinner is an annual event attended by journalists, politicians and celebrities. (Photo by Olivier Douliery-Pool/Getty Images)
Comedian Cecily Strong, a featured player on Saturday Night Live, headlined the 2015 White House Correspondents Dinner Saturday night.
1. Secret Service: “The only law enforcement agency that actually gets in trouble if a black guy gets shot.”
2. Obama’s Age: “Your hair is so white now, it can talk back to the police.”
3. Washington: “Looking out tonight, I see so many 10s. Well, Washington-10s, so New York fours.”
4. Michelle Obama: “It is a dream to sit next to you but it is a nightmare to eat next to you.”
5. Aaron Shock: “Some of the cast of Downton Abbey is here, thanks to a donation by some of the constitutents of Aaron Schock.”
6. Joe Biden: “I took Amtrak here. It was way more luxurious than I thought. Did you know they have massage seats on there? All you have to do is sit in front of Joe Biden. Those hands don’t get tired.”
7. Congressmen: “It’s an honor to be here at the Washington Hilton . . . is something a prostitute might say to a congressman.”
8. Women’s Rights: “It feels so weird to be up here. Since I’m only a comedian, I’m not going to try and tell you how to do politics. That would be like you guys telling me what to do with my body. I mean, can you even imagine? Crazy.”
9. Hillary Clinton: “I’m excited about Hillary running, though I’m not sure she’s excited about having to run. I imagine she feels the same way Meryl Streep feels when she’s asked to audition for something.”
10. Fox News: “Fox News has been losing a lot of viewers lately, and may they rest in peace.”
11. Brian Williams: “What can I say about Brian Williams? Nothing, because I work for NBC.”
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