Comedian Cecily Strong, a featured player on Saturday Night Live, headlined the 2015 White House Correspondents Dinner Saturday night.
1. Secret Service: “The only law enforcement agency that actually gets in trouble if a black guy gets shot.”
2. Obama’s Age: “Your hair is so white now, it can talk back to the police.”
3. Washington: “Looking out tonight, I see so many 10s. Well, Washington-10s, so New York fours.”
4. Michelle Obama: “It is a dream to sit next to you but it is a nightmare to eat next to you.”
5. Aaron Shock: “Some of the cast of Downton Abbey is here, thanks to a donation by some of the constitutents of Aaron Schock.”
6. Joe Biden: “I took Amtrak here. It was way more luxurious than I thought. Did you know they have massage seats on there? All you have to do is sit in front of Joe Biden. Those hands don’t get tired.”
7. Congressmen: “It’s an honor to be here at the Washington Hilton . . . is something a prostitute might say to a congressman.”
8. Women’s Rights: “It feels so weird to be up here. Since I’m only a comedian, I’m not going to try and tell you how to do politics. That would be like you guys telling me what to do with my body. I mean, can you even imagine? Crazy.”
9. Hillary Clinton: “I’m excited about Hillary running, though I’m not sure she’s excited about having to run. I imagine she feels the same way Meryl Streep feels when she’s asked to audition for something.”
10. Fox News: “Fox News has been losing a lot of viewers lately, and may they rest in peace.”
11. Brian Williams: “What can I say about Brian Williams? Nothing, because I work for NBC.”
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