‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’ Season 7 Episode 5 Recap: Dinner Interrupted

After a very painful one week absence due to the Olympics (UGH), The Real Housewives of New Jersey are back to grace our televisions once again. To be honest, I actually really enjoy the Olympics but that is no excuse to not air my ladies each and every Sunday night.

The episode opens with Teresa receiving a phone call from Melissa, inviting her and Milania to watch the Gorga children walk in New York Fashion Week. Teresa is thrilled to be invited while Milania is a little less enthusiastic, meeting the invite with an eyeroll (SAME). It’s refreshing to see the two sister-in-laws finally getting along after four seasons together.

Next we join Dolores’ family as her vet-to-be daughter, Gabby, gives a heartbreaking diagnosis of their family dog. It turns out that Boo, who is twelve years old, has stopped eating and is losing weight because he is suffering from kidney failure. So depressing, I need a distraction.

*cut to Frankie showing off his washboard abs*

Mio Dio. You can grate a block of Parmigiano Reggiano on those abs.  I’m never taking my shirt off again and immediately cutting all sugar, carbs, and dairy from my diet.

Anyway.~

Now we join Siggy and her daughter, Sophie, at Jacqueline’s house. Siggy is unhappy with a photo Sophie wants to put on social media of her and a friend in bathing suits. Jacqueline doesn’t think the photo is problematic and demonstrates what would be an inappropriate pose by getting on all fours and shaking her ass (PLEASE MAKE IT STOP). The ladies discuss Jacqueline and Teresa’s upcoming dinner. Siggy believes the friendship between Teresa and Jacqueline will be reconciled because the two ladies have both matured. Jacqueline is unsure of how the dinner will go because she, admittedly, is still immature.

*skip past Melissa’s kids at NYFW*

Cut to Siggy and her children out for lunch. Siggy is the indisputable shining light of this season (sorry Tre). Everything she says is pure comedy and her love for her children is apparent in all that she does. When referring to her son regarding french fries, “[You’re] always so difficult. I wish I would’ve known that while I was in labor, I would’ve shoved you back in” (I LOVE Siggy).

It’s finally time for Jacqueline and Teresa’s dinner as she and Joe arrive at the Laurita household. Juicy Joe shows up with a suitcase cooler full of wine and prosciutto (hubby material – well, actually I take that back). The dinner starts of innocently enough, with the women preparing a salad while the husbands catch up. Things take a turn for the crazy when the ladies begin to rehash their fight from five years ago. Teresa and Jacqueline go back and forth with one another about the argument that ended their friendship, neither one admitting fault. Things really spin out of control when Jacqueline calls Teresa a convicted criminal (that sea witch) and tells her she needs to own her mistakes. Tre, in true Teresa 2.0 fashion, takes the high ground and leaves with Joe. As the Guidices leave, Jacqueline throws one last jab Teresa’s way and says, “She has a curfew anyway” (It’s cold over here in the SHADE).

Next week’s episode shows the aftermath of Teresa and Jacqueline’s fight with the Gorga’s trying to pick up the pieces. Tune in to Bravo Sunday night at 8pm EST for the next episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Housewives Side Notes:

Dolores:

• Opened here own gym using her divorce settlement.
• Her ex-husband is a former Mr. New Jersey.
• Frankie’s nipples are always hard.

Melissa:

• Has a new and improved relationship with Teresa.
• Joe drives his kids to the wrong school.
• Her kids aren’t very good runway models.

Jacqueline:

• Keeps her dog in a tiny crate.
• Didn’t listen to Chris when he said to keep in mind the Guidices’ stressful situation.
• Queen of shade this episode.

Siggy:

• Couldn’t make it two minutes without interrupting her children.
• Is a control freak and a worry wart.
• Brought her fan to lunch.

Teresa:

• Thinks Jacqueline is crazy. SAME.
• Is cutting the toxic people out of her life.
• Milania thinks yoga is dumb.