Curb Your Enthusiasm returned for its eighth season Sunday night, picking up exactly where the Season Seven finale ended. The episode begins with Larry David and Cheryl (Cheryl Hines) arguing over whether or not she should apologize to Julia Louis-Dreyfus for leaving a ring stain on her wooden coffee table. Larry accuses her of not respecting wood and Cheryl proceeds by officially deciding to divorce him.
Larry David was, of course, the driving genius behind Seinfeld, the man who created those comic situations that made the show so ineffably funny for over a decade. It is now common knowledge that he wrote himself into the series as craven, impetuous George Costanza, whose antics always made us laugh out loud. In "Curb" we really get to see Larry David in all his glory and no topic is off limits. The subject matter in Curb Your Enthusiasm usually addresses the trivialities of daily life, and plots revolve around David's many faux pas and shameless disregard of social norms. He is constantly annoyed with other people's behavior although he almost always commits that same act himself. He has a hard time letting his annoyances go unresolved, which leads him into awkward situations.
Fast forward to one year later: Larry meets with his divorce attorney Andrew Berg (Paul F. Tompkins) who he assumes to be Jewish, and therefore a good lawyer. His attorney seems to be very dependable and proficient as he works to secure the house for Larry while still being fair to Cheryl. There is some absurd banter between the two as Larry observes that Berg's large desk is a good desk under which to get blowjobs and Larry debates whether he wants the filling or "brown crumbly stuff" (the top) of the metaphorical pie his attorney uses to explain who gets what from the divorce. Berg says Larry will get the filling of the pie, which represents the best and most gratifying assets, while Cheryl will get the brown crumbly top which is nice, but superficial and not as delectable as the filling. One aspect of Larry's narrow-minded character is that he can only take things literally; Berg drops the pie metaphor after Larry tries to make his case that the "brown crumbly stuff" is actually the best part of the pie.
The episode is in fact titled "The Divorce" which mostly applies to Larry but Joe O’Donnell (Gary Cole), Larry's good friend and the fictitious owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers is also going through a divorce. O'Donnell also has a daughter named Kiera (Kaitlyn Dever) who he sends over to Larry’s house to sell him Girl Scout cookies. Larry generously agrees to buy five boxes of every cookie. "Generously" might be the wrong word though because Larry has his own selfish agenda: his excessive purchase of cookies will ensure a ticket from O'Donnell to sit in the owner's box at Dodger Stadium. But things always have a way of going very laughably wrong for Larry and this episode does not disappoint.
In fact, what happens in the next minutes of their transaction might be one of the most cringe-worthy moments in Curb history. As Larry appears conceitedly pleased with himself, Kiera blurts out that she is experiencing her first period ever. Totally flustered and naturally unabashed, Larry hurries the girl into the bathroom while he finds two unused tampons that Cheryl left behind. Giving one tampon to the young girl and keeping the other for himself, Larry fumbles it as he desperately tries to figure out how to use a tampon. While the girl struggles with this foreign object she has never used, Larry shouts directions from the other side of the door.
No good deed goes unpunished in Larry’s world. O’Donnell gives him the cold shoulder for his “inappropriate behavior” with Kiera, which ultimately means Larry can forget about those Dodger tickets. Larry cancels his cookie orders in retaliation despite Kiera's fellow troop leaders aggressively protesting at his door.
One of David's closest friends, Marty Funkhouser (Bob Einstein), is actually envious of Larry's divorce. Much to the chagrin of Marty, at lunch, David convinces Funkhouser's wife of going with Marty to London on his work trip and she never goes with him on work trips. Funkhouser is furious with Larry; now he has to see, listen, and talk with his wife, all of which make him want to shoot himself in the head. Larry asks him why he doesn't get a divorce to which Funkhouser responds, "I'm too lazy." At the restaurant, Larry orders the buffet and gets caught sharing the food with his friends. The waiter demands Larry pay for another buffet meal as a punishment for breaking the rules and sharing buffet food. Miraculously, they are saved by a Jewish lawyer who uses a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo to get them out of paying for an extra meal. He slips Larry his business card after the incident.
As Larry waits at a red light, he casually looks to his left but is dreadfully surprised when he sees his attorney riding a motorcycle: "What's a Jew doing on a motorcycle?"(apparently Jews don't ride motorcycles in Larry's world) Later, Larry discovers his attorney attended a Catholic high school, which is enough confirmation for Larry that his attorney is NOT a Jew. Larry confronts Berg, accusing him of pulling a 'Jewish scam' but Berg claims he never said he was Jewish nor did he try to act like he was; he's Swedish. Larry gets rid of Berg immediately and in paranoid/OCD typical Larry fashion exclaims, "I've got a Swede lawyer! She's (Cheryl) going to get everything!"
Larry ends up hiring the Jewish lawyer who saved him at the restaurant. Larry is sure his new lawyer is 100% Jewish- his name is Hiram Katz. Larry attempts to suck up to O'Donnell, still hoping for those tickets, warning him that Berg isn't even Jewish and he should also hire Katz if he doesn't want to get screwed over in his divorce. Unfortunately and shocking (to Larry), Katz turns out to be a terrible and incapable lawyer. O'Donnell loses the Dodgers and Larry loses the house. An irate O'Donnell punches Larry in the face, and appropriately, Larry uses a tampon to stop his nose from bleeding. Now Larry and Leon (J.B.Smoove) have to find a new place to live. Leon is mostly worried that he will lose out on "tapping asses" if they don't find a good place fast enough.
On the other hand, Funkhouser is ecstatic; he's finally getting a divorce too and could not be happier. He wants to decorate his car a-la JUST MARRIED vehicles (JUST DIVORCED) and tell the world he is finally free. Jeff Greene (Jeff Garlin) is jealous because he's the only one not getting a divorce, and his marriage looks like what I imagine when I think of Hell. Leon gives a little bit of his own advice on divorce to the men: “You ran that ass in the ground, now you movin’ on. You ran that shit in the ground like a rental car.”
I am so excited for this season and hope it's not the last; the unscripted dialogue, the characters, and the outrageous plots are so much fun and never cease to make us laugh.
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I gotta say, I was a little disappointed by the season premiere. But Curb's seasons always start out a little slow, so hopefully things will pick up. I also wish Jerry Seinfeld was still on the show...I can watch them banter for hours.