Skating With The Stars: My New Favorite TV Train Wreck
If there's something Americans love about pop culture, it's watching celebrities … make fools of themselves. And since it's the season to embrace winter sports, watching C-list celebrities bust face on what's essentially Dancing With The Stars On Ice has never been more enjoyable. With judges like the increasingly goofy Laurieann Gibson of Making The Band and Johnny Weir, the Lady Gaga of figure skating, there's a ton of mess to go around. Since its premiere on Thanksgiving week, people have been sent to the hospital, received groin injuries, and gotten cuts to the finger by skate blades. Maybe it's sadistic, but something's gotta put these people who are famous for no reason in their place. Will you tune in for the finale in two weeks?
If you haven't been catching up, it's not too late to start. The show consists of these so-called stars paired with professional figure skaters as the pros ensure their partners don't fall on the ice … too hard. Every week they come up with a short routine that must incorporate new skating skills before they're judged in the technical and artistic criteria. Oh, did I mention they get to do it to awful a cover band singing Black Eyed Peas and Flo-Rida?
The critics have been reviewing the show as boring and doomed to failure. Well, I say you haven't been watching it right! The interactions between all characters of this show provide tons of laughs. Nothing is more entertaining than watching Real Housewives of New York City' Bethenny Frankel get catty with Johnny on who's the bigger bitch, or judge Dick Button hit on the female contestants. Hell, he's hitting on male skaters too, commenting that he is the "TSA of figure skating" and he can see through Vince Neil's (yes, of the heavy metal band Mötley Crüe) inner talent.
Gibson has also shed the tough cough image from her MTV days and shifted her adjective use. Instead of yelling random dance onomatopoeias like, "BOOMKACK" (which, by the way, is her Twitter username,) she's moved on to words like "fantastical," meanwhile dreamily expressing her wish to skate with Neil after his supposedly seductive performance. You know, because an old dude in eyeliner spinning around on ice is totally sexy. But based on the celebrities they did get for the show, Laurieann totally qualifies as a star if she wanted in on the next season.
And if you think these loonies aren't enough, even watching the host is amusing. As criticisms and awkward comments fly between judges and contestants, seeing Vernon Kay try to make light of the ancient Button complimenting soap star Rebecca Budig's ass totally completes the holiday spirit. After all, it's not a Christmas party without an old geezer being hilariously inappropriate.
Sure, the routines are a bit flat, but let's face it, if we wanted to see real figure skating we can't honestly expect these celebs to do it; it's enough of a gift to see a Mötley Crüe singer subject himself to such a graceful sport. But every now and then some competitors do perform some inspiring footwork, reminding us that this is the season to see the positive in things and just be optimistic. I mean, this is a celebrity reality competition. Injuries, awkward tensions, sequins … that's as good as it gets.