MTV Movie Awards: More Geriatric Than Juvenile

Much like dogs, television shows and stations have an accelerated life span compared to humans. Over the past few years, 80s baby MTV has gotten a little past its prime, like a man in his forties who tries way too hard to be hip, or should I say dope, to impress his children.

The former trend setter has slumped in ratings recently, especially when it comes to its award-shows, and at last night’s 19th annual MTV Movie Awards, this puppy was trying way too hard. The show boasted a premiere of Enrique Iglesias’ newest music video, for his overly auto-tuned single "I Like It," featuring appearances by the Jersey Shore cast, a ten minute preview of Jersey Shore’s new season, and three exclusive movie previews.

Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg’s performance of "California Gurls" was pretty kitschy for MTV, but at least it was culturally relevant — the song spiked to number one on Billboard’s Digital chart in it’s opening debut two weeks ago — but the others seemed tired, trying to sink their claws in while they still can. An overtly sexual Christina Aguilera, tried to prove that she’s still relevant by becoming like everyone else, complete with the shock factor of the LED heart on her crotch. Tom Cruise donned his Les Grossman costume from 2008’s Tropic Thunder to prove that he’s still "with it." Cruise was then joined by 40-year-old Jennifer Lopez who did a booty-shaking dance to her last hit single "Get Right" (which was released in 2005, mind you).

The presenters were tired as well – a graying Will Farrell dangled from the air as Harry Potter’s Tom Felton accepted his Best Villain award, and Shaun White and Jackie Chan made a dumb joke about how Chan hasn’t won a gold medal …yet.

While the jokes were funny, there was nothing new in this awards show. Kristen Stewart is still an awkward and emotionless girl who comes across as a bitch. Robert Pattinson still has a rakish charm that he’s not sure what to do with, and the girl-on-girl kiss with Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johansson was over-done, awkward, and not sexy at all.

MTV, which used to be an innovator, and even had an entire generation named after it, needs to be rejuvenated before it becomes a faded star in the sky of cable television.