I recently saw in the news that Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice, is pregnant with a fourth child… that’s right, I’m not kidding. A Fourth child. Four friggen kids. Somehow – unbeknownst to me – the international fashion icon and former musical pop star sensation has managed to pop out three kids already and is due for a fourth. Whew! A dazzling array of question instantly popped into my head: for example, how did this happen? Did she really carry them, or did a mail order Russian surrogate do the work? Would she recognize them in a line-up? Does she mother them, or does a team of David’s ex-mistresses do that? (okay, okay, I know, it was just that one time). My point is – and there is a point – I want to know if this is for real, because from where I’m standing it seems a little suspicious to me. So, I put on my latex gloves, dusted off my web-trench and went to work investigating if Posh is for real, for real real, a mother of (soon to be) four.

Evidence number one: For — According to the The Sun, doctors warned Posh that “her normal fat-free diet of steamed fish and veg does not help fertility.” Remarkably, they go on to say, Posh has actually agreed to “fatten up” for the fourth child, switching to carb-fueled dishes of pasta, potatoes, rice and brown bread. Her apparent willingness to finally fill out her conspicuously gaunt frame reveals a stunning show of dedication. Check one.

Evidence number two: Against — In an interview with Tony Parson of the Daily Mirror, Posh claims she loved “giving birth.” Are you kidding me? How many gut-wrenching scenes of moms-to-be shrieking bloody murder as they give birth have we all seen?
About a million, right? So, the idea that Posh enjoyed giving birth makes me wonder just a little bit. No points awarded.

Evidence number three: For — It’s not difficult to find countless photos all over the Interwebs of Posh hugging her kids, holding their hands and generally letting the little mongrels climb all over her. I’ve never had any kids of my own, but I would imagine it takes a great deal of love to put up with that kind of unceasing harassment. Check two.

Evidence number four: For — On the air of Ryan Seacrest’s radio show, Posh gushed about her kids: “I mean you’ve got Brooklyn who is a real boy, he’s turning into a teenager. It takes him quite some time to do his hair in the morning before he goes to school. Then we have Romeo who loves fashion. He likes to go out in a suit with a bowler hat…he’s a real fashion lover. And Cruz just wants to break dance every opportunity he gets.” What trio of children other than the spawn of Posh Spice could be so fashion forward so early out of the gate? Not only must they have Posh’s genetics, but also evidence of what certainly appears to be her heavily involved mothering is already manifesting in their personalities. I don’t think there’s any other option here than to score one for a caring mother conception of Posh. Check three.

And there you have it. Faced with irrefutable evidence – I mean it’s three-to-one, guys – I must conclude that Posh is not only a for real real mother, but apparently a caring one to boot. Ooh ahh and all that good stuff.

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