Mad Men’s two-hour, sixth season premiere is right around the corner, and so far no one in the cast or crew has spilled any information. But true loyalists of the show can still speculate on possible plot lines.

Previous seasons of Mad Men had Don Draper (Jon Hamm) going through a major tonal shift. From Man Living With a Secret in season one, to Man Tired of Living With a Secret in season two, to Man Who Embraces His Secrets in season three, to Man Who Abandons His Secrets in season four, to Man Who Realizes His Secrets Weren’t Something He Could Abandon Because Those Very Secrets Are Him, Diane. Come On! Think About It! This Isn’t Dancing With the Stars! in season five.

Based on the way last season ended – Don in the bar, alone – and the way he’s drawn in this ad, it’s pretty obvious that season six is all about Don being Tired Of Embracing His Secrets. But he’s not the only one with secrets. Peggy (Elisabeth Moss) has struck up a relationship with Roger (John Slattery), who’s decided to invest in a Gin company and hired Peggy’s agency to handle the advertising. It's a move that can only be seen as sabotaging Sterling Cooper Draper Campbell Holloway.

And Megan’s (Jessica Pare) Canadian smuggling past is catching up to her. Will the police find her? And if so, will Don find out? Also, he’s sleeping with his new secretary.

Don is wandering around the beach when he bumps into one of his illegitimate sons, Scooter Whitman, getting married. Scooter, a trained navy man, is put off by Don’s flippant nature, and threatens to fight him for “never being there!" Don coolly finishes his drink, takes off his blazer, and tells him he deserves to get beaten up. He folds his arms behind his back, ready to take a hit.

Scooter winds up, but can’t bring himself to do it. He shrugs and goes, “I guess this is just how things are in the 60s.” He invites him and Megan to the wedding. Megan doesn’t show up because she’s too busy rehearsing for a roasted peanut commercial. Don sleeps with Scooter’s wife.

This isn’t a shot from set, but who’s to say an episode revolving around Joan (Christina Hendricks) and Pete Vincent Kartheiser) bonding isn’t in the cards? They work together, they’re both junior partners, and they see themselves as the future of the agency after Don inevitably dies from being choked to death by Roger, who suffers another heart attack during the event.

They decide to take each other out to lunch, and end up spending the whole day together exploring the city. Pete buys Joan earrings. Joan convinces Pete to shave the silly beard he’s grown since we last saw him, and as consolation he leaves some sideburns. A mutual appreciation quickly turns into hot-blooded lust and they make passionate love in the bathroom at Carnegie Deli.

Coming to their senses they decide no one can ever know about what happened. Pete doesn’t want to jeopardize his family life with Trudy, and Joan doesn’t want people to know because it might jeopardize her new relationship with Joe Namath. They both attend Burt Cooper’s 80th birthday party as work colleagues and nothing more.

Don and Megan go to Hawaii and bathe under the sun. Meanwhile, back in New York, the agency is trying to win over a Florida-based swimsuit company’s account. While Megan is tanning and Don is finishing off his sixth rum-based cocktail, a chubby kid next to them can’t handle it anymore, develops body-image issues seemingly instantly and runs away. Inspiration strikes and Don comes up with a great idea to market old-timey swim trunks to a self-conscious Jewish population retiring to Florida.

He immediately gets on a flight back to New York, barges into the pitch meeting and explains his great idea. Ginsberg (Ben Feldman), the copywriter who looks like Billy Joel, although initially surprised that Don is interrupting his big presentation, goes with it, as his own family is part of the first wave of East Coast Jews retiring to Florida. Everyone applauds and the agency lands the account.

The creative department goes into Don’s office and he pours whiskey for everyone. Ginsberg politely asks if he’ll put some clothing on, as he’s still only wearing his bathing suit.

Harry Crane (Rich Sommer) is brought in to be a consultant for a Monkees-style “manufactured” band. He realizes he, himself, is the lead singer he’s been looking for. With his British fashion sensibility he’s able to parlay his dufus-ness into a coy rock-poet persona. Immediately his band, The Ice Cream Sandwiches, is a hit, garnering comparisons to The Zombies.

With Harry Crane’s media connections and the agency’s eagerness to capitalize on the band’s notoriety, Don and Roger approach Arthur Breyer, founder and president of Breyer’s Ice Cream company, to fund a cross-promotional, feature-length musical-comedy starring the band, a la "A Hard Days Night."

Harry brings Don and Roger to set, and before you know it Arthur Breyer is boozing it up with Roger while Don sleeps with Mrs. Breyer, a sexy older woman. Don thinks that maybe he’s fed up with chasing younger women, and that maybe this whole time, through all his philandering, what he’s been searching for the whole time is a mother-figure to fill the void left from never knowing his own. A strict Freudian analyst in New York confirms as much, before rushing Don out of his office so he can treat his upcoming patient – a hot new comedian whom Don doesn’t quite “get,” Woody Allen.

Arthur Breyer walks in on his wife and Don in a passionate love-making session and asks to join in as the Breyers are a spirited swinging couple. Don politely declines. Arthur is insulted that he would sleep with his wife, but not him, and threatens to punch him in the face. Scooter Whitman repels from the ceiling and punches Arthur instead. Then punches Don. Then jumps out of the window and runs away.

Mr. Breyer pulls funding from the movie and Harry Crane returns to work defeated. His secretary sneaks him a print from the unreleased film as a memento and Harry Crane thinks she has feelings for him. He makes a move on her and learns he’s wrong and walks away embarrassed. Roger shows up to a swinger’s party at Mr. and Mrs. Breyer’s.

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