Most Eligible Dallas

Is Texas becoming the new Jersey Shore? Bravo's new reality lifestyle series Most Eligible Dallas is the latest in the Texas-based reality show trend. CMT's Texas Women premiered on July 14, The Style Network’s new docu-series Big Rich Texas premiered July 17, and Logo has its spinoff, A-List: Dallas premiering in the fall. Most Eligible Dallas is another one of Bravo’s shows about the rich and privileged; the series follows a group of six singles in “The Big D,” including beauty queens to pro footballers, who party, date, and network. If Most Eligible Dallas is any indication of The Big D, Dallas women are about big hair and fake boobs while Dallas men are about washboard abs and non-committal relationships. Apparently, uptown Dallas is pretentious, fake, and self-centered.

The show aired Episode 1 on Monday night, starting with detailed introductions of five of the six cast members on the show. We start out by meeting some of these singles, when we meet Tara and Glenn at a charity event. Tara Harper is a mid-thirties blonde who has been engaged four times. She lives “two blocks from President Bush” in Preston Hollow but is worried that Al Queda could be down the street. Tara has a passion for animals and helps rescue and find homes for animals that are about to be euthanized-one of the positive aspects that did come from this show.

The tan and brawny Glenn Pakulak is a punter in the NFL. He has played for so many teams that he has trouble recalling the order correctly. We first meet Glenn as he works the room at the charity event and claims to have so much testosterone in his body, that he can't even watch Family Feud without getting turned on. Glenn debuts his abs in a shirtless photo shoot; he is trying to become a model in order “to build his career.”

Drew Ginsburg is the token gay guy and used to be 420 lbs – he has the photos to prove it. Drew lost 200 lbs thanks to gastric bypass and had a chest and tummy tuck. Now he’s doing a controversial 500-calorie diet that includes hormone injections. He is obsessed with his weight loss, which is probably an issue that will come up later in the season. Also, he describes his apartment as a “panty dropper.” At least he will be good for occasional funny commentary.

Then we have Courtney Kerr who, despite being on a show about the single life, does not want to be single. She is best friends with Matt Nordgren and repeatedly explains she has never been interested in Matt as more than a friend. She and Matt “aren't compatible” in a romantic way, but Courtney’s actions make it clear that her excessive explanations are far from the truth. Or at the very least, she doesn't want anyone else to date Matt. Her behavior is annoying, rude, and self-centered, to say the least.

Matt Nordgren seems like your typical all-American guy and is a former quarterback at the University of Texas. Matt definitely plays the field, despite Courtney declaring herself his “gatekeeper.” He literally invites twenty girls at a time to meet him, because “Why do one-on-one when you can do one-on-three?”

Courtney, Matt and Glenn meet for brunch where we hear Courtney's long list of demands she needs in a man, which is a completely ridiculous list that goes on forever. Now we understand why she is single. Matt and Glenn on the other hand claim to be focusing on their careers right now and don't want a relationship. Matt even attempts to appear literate by bringing a newspaper to the brunch, but the idea of Matt reading anything is totally perplexing to Courtney.

The drama begins when Matt invites Courtney out to a club. Matt proceeds to call at least five other girls to go to the club also. Overshadowed and irritated with the Barbie parade, Courtney storms out of the club.

We don't meet the sixth cast member, Neill Skylar, until she shows up to dinner at “Naan Sushi” in Uptown Dallas with Matt and the rest of the crew. We learn that Neill is 23-year-old single mother who seems surprisingly composed compared to her new arch enemy Courtney. Courtney quickly spirals into an uncouth frenzy, tearing Neill apart for being out on a Wednesday night and not home with her child. This all stems from the fact that Courtney desperately wants a family and she can't stand to see someone with a child hanging around Matt.

When the other singles try to reason with her, informing her that mothers do in fact leave the house, hence the need for nannies and babysitters, Courtney counters that she doesn’t understand why anyone would leave their baby alone to spend time with these strangers on a Wednesday night. She has a point. I’m not sure anyone should spend time with these strangers on any night. By the end of the episode, Courtney is in the bathroom crying and throwing a fit as big as her hair, because “all she ever wanted” was to be a wife and a have a baby.

The show revolves around an agonizing amount of gossip, and storylines are obviously phony and manufactured. None of them seem to have any real responsibilities other than personal grooming. Working for the family business seems to be the theme of the show too, as Matt, who claims to be the total package, is the managing sales force for his family business; Tara is the Executive Vice President of Sales for her family's business and Drew works at the car dealership for his family's business.

This is like Dallas version of Jersey Shore, except the characters are exceptionally fake, uninteresting, and conceited. They have no personality or signature caricature status to make them marketable. I can’t imagine this show coming back for a second season.