There are very few things that remain pleasant or enjoyable after three hours. A nap after three hours will leave you groggy – it is also most likely a sign that you are sick. A movie that last three hours will show you that a filmmaker doesn’t know how to edit their work. Even sex shouldn’t last for three hours – by the third hour, you are guaranteed to hurt everywhere and be exhausted.

Last night, The Bachelor tested the three-hour rule but this morning, the three-hour rule remains intact.

‘The Bachelor’ Season 21, Episode 10 Recap

The episode began with a bang – the same bang that ended last week’s episode. Nick Viall and Raven Gates, under a Finnish sky, spent the night together in the Honeymoon Suite. Raven, who hadn’t previously orgasmed – she told America last week – began this week’s episode by high-fiving strangers, petting furry dogs and generally enjoying herself in the sunrise of a winter-wonderland.

“Nick is really good at what he does so I am satisfied today,” Raven tells the cameras with a sneaking grin.

Meanwhile, Nick heads out to spend time with the second of his three remaining girlfriends, Rachel Lindsay.

Still in Lapland, Finnland, Nick and Rachel spend the day playing with reindeer. They ride in a sleigh and cross-country ski with santa’s helpers by their side.

After the date, they discuss their relationship and Rachel tells Nick that she is falling in love with him. He responds by telling her the same adding, “it is so easy to say.” Rachel shares that her biggest fear is rejection and all of America cringes, knowing that she will, at some point, be rejected.

“Thoughts?” Nick asks when presented with the Honeymoon Suite key. Even though he used this brilliant one-liner on Raven, it works for Rachel as well. The for-now-lovers retire to the bedroom as a voice over from Rachel reflects on how their relationship “has gone deeper than it has ever gone before.”

Nick again leaves a satisfied women grinning in a large blanket as he saunters off to spend time with his other girlfriend.

He meets Vanessa Grimaldi in another part of Lapland. Their date consists of jumping in an ice bath for ten seconds, then running to the sauna through the snow. What was funny for a few moments, became incredibly dull as the editors dragged the date out for what felt like ten minutes.

In a hot tub, Nick and Vanessa again get down to the nitty-gritty. If they get engaged, Vanessa wants to live in her hometown, Montreal. Nick refuses to move because he is “proud to be an American.” This matter is never settled and instead they turn to talking about family.

Nick says Vanessa has a very traditional family, adding that he is not traditional at all. Vanessa takes it as an insult but Nick assures her that he was only pointing out a truth. The matter is never settled and instead they head to the Honeymoon Suite to sleep together.

At the rose ceremony, Nick unceremoniously sends Rachel home. She rides off in the car broken but not shattered. “Back to square one,” she says through light tears. We will see you there.

Thus ended the first hour of the three hour show. The other two hours, known to Bachelor Nation as The Bachelor: The Women Tell All, was a recap of the entire season with the added bonus of host Chris Harrison blowing on the cooling embers of past drama in the hopes of setting the whole studio ablaze.

Of course, the most pressing drama of the night concerned America’s favorite villain, Corinne Olympios, and her archenemy, Taylor Nolan.

Taylor is first invited by Chris to join him on the main stage, in full view of all of the other women perched in stadium seats in front of the host and his guest.

A super-cut of Taylor’s most telling moments blare on the screen. Taylor, who is undoubtably suffering from an horrendous case of the terrible-twenties, sees herself on screen being depicted as a pious know-it-all, constantly questioning the world’s ability to keep up with her intellect.

When the audience and the other girls begin to turn on her, favoring Corinne’s side of the argument, Taylor becomes visually shaken, questioning at what point she began to loose her sanity.

Taylor goes to take a seat and Corinne comes to join Chris on stage. After watching her super-cut, Corinne defends her use of her sexuality, her use of the word “nanny,” and her relentless pursuit of Nick. Her closest friend/parrot, Josephine Tutman, constantly praises Corinne and stands up for her at every turn. Josephine has the worst of case of unrequited love in Bachelor history.

While the Corinne-Taylor feud is never really settled, every one got tired of hearing about it. The forty-five minutes devoted to it last night has turned America off of the subject forever.

Nick comes out on the stage to face his rejected lovers. Several of them ask, “why me,” to which Nick replies, “not you, them.” The Women Tell All requires Nick to re-break-up with many of the women he truly hurt only months ago. There are only so many words that one person can use to break another person’s heart and Nick’s speeches all begin to blur into one long apology.

At one point, one of the women accuses Nick of not being empathetic to their situation. Somehow she forgot that Nick has cried on national television a record-setting number of times, probably.

The girls accept Nick’s re-packaging of the break-up speech and Rachel comes on stage to discuss her ideal man.

Using some of the most vague terms possible, Rachel, the next bachelorette, describes a man who is funny, self-assured, and has a good smile. At least she knows what she wants.

NEXT WEEK: It’s Raven or Vanessa… or Nick goes home alone. I’m hoping for the latter. Sorry Nick, we must be entertained.


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