I hope your various body parts are ready because Capcom finally decided to end the BS, slow-ass reveals that have been going on for the past two years. Upon the release of the trailer for Street Fighter V: Arcade Edition, we have been presented with all of the character DLC for season 3 instead of trudging through, waiting for an interesting character to come out. Better yet, they’re familiar characters, so if you loved or hated the characters before, no need to worry, you’ll be loving and hating them like never before!

We were initially hinted as to the appearance of Sakura due to a very strange use of pink, sakura flower-shaped confetti at the end of the most recent major Capcom tournament. What wasn’t expected was everything to come out at once at the very next event, Capcom finally giving fans a real reason to buy Arcade Edition. Sakura, Blanka, Cody and Sagat were revealed within a four-minute trailer, presenting the reveal as if it were on a Broadway set. Magician G and Ed’s girlfriend Falke were also revealed, but who gives a crap about those two, anyway? We’re here to talk about the return of the king: Sagat.

Originally, FANG was included in the game as a character solely for the purpose of not including Sagat. It was crucial to the developer team to not include the fireball-heavy character, especially considering he’s been at the top of the tier list of every game he has ever appeared in. Perhaps they have never considered limiting hadokens like they did Akuma’s, yet FANG is now here for no reason. Fantastic foresight, Capcom. Now we have a racist vision of Chinese people for no reason.

Aside from this, the inclusion of Blanka wasn’t entirely well received either. Sakura is simply an aerial-combo version of Ryu, yet Blanka is traditionally a more broken version of Laura. Blanka spams his untouchable electrocution move as he zips past projectiles. Damage similar to Zangief’s, it’s not about combos, it’s about getting cheap hits.

Speaking of Zangief, command throws are getting nerfed, as are throw loops. As Zangief descends in the tier list with Laura and R. Mika, we are left to ponder what else will change. More V-Triggers? More new moves? More Supers? No, there won’t be any new supers, sorry.

Get excited for a school girl with a headset, a shirtless pirate, a bear from the jungle, and a white Urien. They’v arrived as of the last weekend of January, and you know it’s going to, for once, be very good. Actually, thank you Capcom. Take more of my money you corporate sons of Satan, you’ve earned it.

P.S. Literally nobody cares about G unless he’s related to Q, we just got sexy mage Menat. Also, nobody cares about Filet Mignon or whatever her name is. Kolin sucks, but believe me, we don’t need a Kolin 2. How about keep concepts like Abigail coming? Thanks.