VIDEO: Best Charlie Sheen Roast Jokes
While over at CBS's Two and a Half Men, the show went on without actor Charlie Sheen, 46, who was removed from the cushy over $1 million-per-episode stint last season after having a very public and drug-addled mental breakdown, cable network Comedy Central aired its 90 minute roast of Sheen, which included bawdy jokes by friends and comedians Seth McFarlane, Kate Walsh, Jon Lovitz, and William Shatner himself.
MacFarlane, the creator of the always irreverant Family Guy and the evening's emcee, stole the show with his fake obituary for Sheen, which he said he wrote because he figured he'd need to use it soon, anyway. "Actually, you know what? I kind of just copied Amy Winehouse's obituary," MacFarlane admitted. "I only had to change three things: the sex of the deceased, the location of the body, and the part that says 'a talent that will be missed.'"
What followed was a litany of raunchy humor and snappy one-liners. Veteran roaster Jeff Ross remarked that "Charlie's meltdown was so bad Al Gore is making a documentary about it," while Private Practice's Kate Walsh marveled that Sheen still had all his vital organs upon a fake examination. "The only thing you've had removed is you're kids!" Comedian Jon Lovitz didn't miss his chance to chime in with the priceless punchline, "How much blow can Charlie do? Enough to kill 'two and a half men.'!"
Meanwhile, Ashton Kutcher seemed to be enjoying his debut on the season premiere of the show that sank Sheen's career. The episode opened on a funeral for the late Charlie Harper, Sheen's character, who shared many of the actors womanizing and partying habits. The event was attended by a host of the character's ex-girlfriends, who each had an axe to grind with Sheen's onscreen alter-ego. "I didn't come all this way to spit on a closed coffin," one of them announced.
Later in the show, Alan Harper, the charater portrayed by Jon Cryer, spills the contents of his late brother's urn when he's startled by someone peering in his window. When the dust settles, so to speak, Kutcher is symbolically standing there, reading to come in and take over.
Watch a clip from the roast here: