Stephen Colbert Mocks ‘Fuller House’ Cop Show Spinoff ‘Full House Nights’

After the frustrated cry of disappointment in response to Netflix’s Fuller House, Stephen Colbert offered his Full House Nights sketch may have just fulfilled some of the unmet expectations. Full House Nights featured all our favorite Full House dads as detectives. Bob Saget and John Stamos portray a more classic good cop-bad cop routine, while Dave Coulier targets his suspect with the more innovative “impressionist” cop.

As Stamos explained to Colbert, “After the Tanner kids go to sleep, the Full House daddies we, uh, we go to the mean streets of San Francisco and we solve crimes.”

“It’s stuff people love.” added Saget, “Drug, sex, murder, murder, sex.”

The clip opens with a jazzy remix to the beloved remix (which may be more pleasing to the many fans who trashed the Carly Jae Jepsen reboot for Fuller House) and the title credits show the dads and Colbert, as well as the missing Olsen twins with a caption reading, “Not Featuring Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.”

They interrogate Colbert as a drug ringleader as they try to find out when his next shipment of “blow, white noise, brain sugar, Columbia nasal spray, white street coffee,” as Stamos puts it.

“I’m sorry about my partner uncle Jesse,” says Saget, “He’s a loose cannon.”

But the good cop-bad cop routine doesn’t work. It takes Coulier’s Scooby Doo to force Colbert’s character to confess.

“You know nothing of my life Full House Daddies,” cries Colbert after confessing, “With your Victorian house, with your beautiful precocious daughters, virtue is a luxury full house daddies.”

Then Saget sits down across from Colbert and delivers a classic Mr. Tanner dad talk.

“Hey, listen champ,” he say, “Everybody has pain and everybody wants to bury that pain under piles and piles of blow.”

After agreement from Stamos, Saget invites Demitri to move in with them. Although the ending does offer a twist, the clip still manages to end with laughter in smiles in the signature Full House fashion. Maybe Netflix should bring on Colbert to help out with season 2. But until then, judge Fuller House for yourself on Netflix.