Michelle Rodriguez, a member of the Fast And Furious family, recently opened up about how she reacted to the tragic death of fellow franchise star Paul Walker.

Michelle Rodriguez On Paul Walker’s Death

Since Walker died in the freak car wreck in November 2013, Rodriguez has remained relatively quiet in the media about the effect his passing had on her. Now, a year and a half later, Rodriguez admits that she took the loss hard, ending up bingeing and going “pretty crazy.”

“I actually went on a bit of a binge,” she told Entertainment Weekly. “I went crazy a little bit. I went pretty crazy. A lot of the stuff I did last year I would never do had I been in my right mind.”

In January 2014, Rodriguez was pictured downing drinks courtside at a Knicks game with Cara Delevingne, with whom she was photographed multiple times in the ensuing months. Rodriguez was also caught by paparazzi partying with Justin Bieber on a yacht and putting on an affectionate display with her longtime friend Zac Efron, who she was linked with for a couple of months.

“I was pushing myself to feel,” she said. “I felt like nothing I could do could make me feel alive, so I just kept pushing myself harder and harder. I was traveling and I was having sex. And I was just trying to ignore everything that I was feeling.”

Losing Walker, Rodriguez felt like she lost a soul mate. For 16 years, the two bonded over a shared depth and when he died, Rodriguez was lonely.

“I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who’s deep like me, who loves like that,” she said. “When that disappears, you wonder, ‘Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?’ There was nothing to tether me to this existence: ‘Why am I f—ing here? And, like, why’d you leave without me?’”

Now, with the release of Furious 7 around the corner, Rodriguez is determined to get her life and her career back on track.

“I just woke up [one morning] with a profound respect for living,” she says. “I stood tall one day and I said, ‘You know what, Michelle? Stop f—ing hiding. Go manifest.’ And all of a sudden, I picked myself up and started hustling.”