Matthew McConaughey revealed that he was sexually abused as a teenager in his new book Greenlights.

In the memoir released on Tuesday, McConaughey, 50, discusses lesson-learning moments in his life on a traffic light scale: green lights, yellow lights and red lights, or moments when he advanced, paused or stopped.

At the beginning of the book, the Dallas Buyers Club actor wrote about two times he was sexually abused as a teenager.

“I was blackmailed into having sex for the first time when I was 15,” McConaughey said in the memoir. “I was certain I was going to hell for the premarital sex. Today, I am merely certain that I hope that’s not the case.”

Although he doesn’t go into detail, he also mentioned that he was “molested by a man when [he] was 18 while knocked unconscious in the back of a van.” The actor said that though these things happened to him, he didn’t feel like a victim.

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pen to paper #greenlightsbook Oct 20th

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“I’ve never felt like a victim,” McConaughey wrote. “I have a lot of proof that the world is conspiring to make me happy.”

McConaughey wrote the book based on his past diaries, and spent 52 days writing in the desert with no electricity.

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52 Days #greenlightsbook

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“For 36 years I wrote diaries,” the actor explained in an Instagram video, “two years ago I decided to go away and see what the heck was in them.”

“It’s given me a lot of freedom,” the actor said. “It’s helped me create my own freedom and freedom for others.”

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