Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s on-and-off again romance ended in divorce, leaving the pop singer depressed and contemplating suicide.

Katy Perry Talks Depression

Perry, 30, was left reeling when she and Brand divorced in 2012. Brand infamously announced that they were divorcing in December 2011 after allegedly telling Perry he wanted out of the marriage through a text message. Though the marriage was plagued by conflicting schedules and differing opinions on when to have children, the split left Perry distraught.

In “By the Grace of God,” off Perry’s most recent studio album, Prism, she explores the emotions she was dealing with in the aftermath of her short-lived marriage.

“Sometimes you can be blinded by your extreme emotions,” she explained on Australian TV show The Project. “I definitely was looking for answers during that time I wrote that song. And yeah, I was depressed, and it was sad, and there were thoughts, but there were never actions, thankfully.”

In the chorus of “By the Grace of God,” Perry sings, “I looked in the mirror and decided to stay/ Wasn’t gonna let love take me out, oh, that way.”

As for why she decided to share such an intimate moment through song, Perry said that she wanted her fans who’d experienced despair to know that she’d been there too. “I know that there are so many people out there who have gone through things like that,” she said. “And you always feels like you’re the only one going through that.”

Perry previously opened up about the personal track in an interview with Billboard last year. “I asked myself, ‘Do I want to endure?’”she revealed of the difficult time. “‘Should I continue living?'”

Following her split from Brand, Perry started an on-off relationship with singer-songwriter John Mayer. She’s currently dating DJ Diplo.