Even retirement can’t keep David Letterman from roasting Donald Trump. Although The Late Show host has been retired since May, he was called back into action for one last ‘Top 10’ list, inspired by Trump’s presidential campaign announcement. Letterman appeared on his friend’s Martin Short and Steve Martin‘s comedy show at the Majestic Theatre Friday in San Antonio, where he absolutely destroyed Trump and his latest public pronouncements.
“I know you’re saying to yourselves, ‘Why is he here?'” Letterman told the Texas crowd. “I officiated over 6,000 television shows, none of which, where as entertaining as this one [referring to Short and Martin’s] here today”.
The late-night host commented that he has no regrets on his retirement, but that he wishes it was after Trump’s big presidential reveal. “I have made the biggest mistake of my life,” Letterman said as he proceeded to take out his famous ‘Top 10’ list from his suit.
“A lot of people think that we would know everything about Donald Trump—somebody who doesn’t shy away from every aspect of his life,” Letterman began. “But, take a look at the list I have here tonight, ‘Interesting Facts About Donald Trump’.”
Here are Letterman’s ‘Interesting Facts About Donald Trump:’
#10: “That thing on his head was the gopher in ‘Caddyshack‘.”
#9: “During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name.”
#8: “Donald Trump looks like the guy in the lifeboat with the women and children.”
#7: “He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head?”
#6: “Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for some delusional bulls–t…oh no, wait—that’s me.”
#5: “Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds—250 with cologne.”
#4: “Trump would like all Americans to know that thing on his head is free range.”
#3: “If president, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, (Trump) plans to evict the family on Thanksgiving.”
#3 (tie): “That’s not a hairdo, it’s a wind advisory.”
#2: “Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans he’s starting in a new movie entitled ‘No Amigos’.”
#1: “Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass.”
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