Barack Obama, Mitt Romney Roast Each Other At Al Smith Dinner

by uInterviewOctober 19, 2012, 12:00 amNews >

President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney displayed their funny bones Thursday night in Manhattan at the 67th Alfred E. Smith Dinner, hosted by the Catholic Archdiocese of New York. The two candidates roasted each other — and themselves — in what turned out to be a fun affair, no doubt the last such occasion between the two candidates with a final debate less than a week away and an election looming. But for now, let's cherish this last bit of humor and take a look at Uinterview's favorite barbs from the evening that was. —Hal Sundt

Mitt Romney:

[Wearing a tux] “A campaign can require a lot of wardrobe changes: blue jeans in the morning perhaps, suit for a lunch fundraiser, sportcoat for dinner. But it’s nice to finally relax and wear what Ann and I wear around the house."

“People seem to be very curious as to how we prepare for the debates. Let me tell you what I do. First, refrain from alcohol for 65 years before the debate. Second, find the biggest available straw man and then just mercilessly attack him. Big Bird didn’t even see it coming. And by the way, in the spirit of Sesame Street, the President’s remarks are brought to you tonight by the letter “O” and the number 16 trillion.”

“Campaigns can be grueling, exhausting. President Obama and I are each very lucky to have one person who’s always in our corners, someone who we can lean on, someone who’s a comforting presence without whom we wouldn’t be able to go another day. I have my beautiful wife Ann. He has Bill Clinton.”

“With or without all the dignitaries that are here, the Al Smith dinner surely lives up to its billing. Usually when I get invited to gatherings like this, it’s just to be the designated driver.”

“Of course the President has put his own stamp on relations with the church. There have been some awkward moments, like when the President pulled Pope Benedict aside to share some advice on how to deal with his critics. He said, ‘Look Holy Father, whatever the problem is, just blame it on Pope John Paul II.'”

Barack Obama:

“Everyone please take your seats, otherwise Clint Eastwood will yell at them.”

““This is the third time that Governor Romney and I have met recently. Some of you may have noticed, I had a lot more energy in our second debate. I felt really well-rested after the nice long nap I had in the first debate.”

“I’m still making the most of my time in the city. Earlier today I went shopping at some stores in midtown. I understand Governor Romney went shopping for some stores in midtown.”

“Win or lose, this is my last political campaign so I’m trying to drink it all in. Unfortunately Mayor Bloomberg will only let me have 16 ounces of it.”

“I have to admit it can be a grind. Sometimes it feels like this race has dragged on forever. But Paul Ryan assured me that we’ve only been running for two hours and fifty-something minutes.”

“Ultimately, though, tonight’s not about the disagreements Governor Romney and I may have. It’s what we have in common, beginning with our unusual names. Actually, ‘Mitt’ is his middle name. I wish I could use my middle name.”

“Monday’s debate is a little bit different because the topic is foreign policy. Spoiler alert: We got Bin Laden."

“After my foreign trip in 2008 I was attacked as a celebrity because I was so popular with our allies overseas. And I have to say I’m impressed with how well Governor Romney has avoided that problem.”

Check out both candidates' full speeches here: