The third episode of this season’s The Bachelorette continued with the ridiculousness of the contestants, but lead Rachel Lindsay kept her cool.


This episode picks up where the last ended – with DeMario asking to explain himself to Rachel at the front gate. She listens while DeMario digs himself in a deeper hole, and quotes Jay Z, saying, “In order to experience joy, you need pain.” His foolish attempt to be invited to that night’s rose ceremony fail, and Rachel points and  tells him, “Forward isn’t that way, it’s that way, outside of this house.”

So far, Rachel has proved she can handle herself in the midst of some of these idiotic contestants. When the others ask if DeMario is returning, she says simply, “F–k no.”

Finally, it’s the rose ceremony. Lucas aka Whaboom and Blake E. are in a ridiculous tiff because Blake is out to prove that Lucas is a bad guy. In private with Rachel, Lucas insinuates that Blake must just have a crush on him because he was standing over his bed eating a banana. Rachel asks Blake if that’s true, and he says no, because he’s on a no-carb diet. This rivalry is too inane for anyone’s time.

The next day, it’s time for the first group date. Bryan, Jonathan, Peter, Alex, Will, and Fred all get together and head to The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Ellen gets a chance to meet them all and give her two cents on the guys. But first, she has them all do sexy shirtless dances to women in her audience – and not one decides to grace Rachel with a dance. When it’s time to chat, Bryan mentions that Rachel is a great kisser, a statement with which Will agrees. The men argue over who kissed first, and Bryan concludes by joking that he gave Will his “sloppy seconds.” Referring to your potential spouse as your sloppy seconds is still never recommended.

Then the men sit down to play Never Have I Ever with Rachel and Ellen, and nothing too crazy is revealed. Some guys have texted nude selfies, others claim to never have thought about sex with Rachel. Fred says he knew Rachel before the show, which we already knew, and Will, Peter, and Bryan all admit to kissing Rachel.

That night, Alex gets Rachel alone and says some cheesy line about either eye being connected to emotions or logic, but it works and Rachel goes for a kiss. Next it’s Fred’s turn to get a kiss with the woman he’s had a crush on for 20-some years. Instead of creating a perfect moment, he literally talks about “creating that moment” and hopes it’s enough. Then he starts over and says, “I want you to know…” and then hops into a kiss, and Rachel is not having it. Instead of handing him a rose like he had hoped, Rachel asks him to leave. “It was like a little boy was kissing me,” she says after-the-fact.

The next day, Rachel has a one-on-one date with Anthony. The pair ride horses down Rodeo Drive and do a bit of shopping for fun cowboy/cowgirl clothes. He tells Rachel that his family was always “rich in love” and he just wants to pay it forward. He gets a date rose and a kiss later at a private concert.

Back at the house, Eric is freaking out because Rachel isn’t giving him enough attention – on a show where he has to vie for her attention. But once Rachel appears, she introduces the next group date, set up by last season’s RavenCorinneJasmine, and Alexis. Cue the party bus and mud wrestling with Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, and Eric. Bryce claims to be the most athletic, despite Kenny being an actual professional wrestler. When it comes down to it, though, Bryce beats Kenny in the final showdown.

The drama, as usual, comes at the end of the episode. Kenny admits he used to be a Chippendale dancer, and Rachel is very intrigued. Both Bryce and Lee tell Rachel that she should question Eric’s motives to be on the show, and Rachel relays this information to Eric. He goes back angry and demands answers from Bryce and Lee, who both deny they said anything negative about the guy. In the end, Rachel gives the date rose to Eric.

The episode ends with the men duking it out in a screaming match – well, mainly with Eric screaming at everybody else. Rachel asks Eric why all the guys seem to mention him to her, and he says he has no idea. She believes him, but warns that she’s keeping her eye on him.

Tune in next Monday for episode four.

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