America’s Next Top Model Review: Less Height, More Ego

America’s Next Top Model began it’s 22nd season last night. The premiere episode introduced viewers to 31 gorgeous young men and women who judge Yu Tsai described as “the rowdiest cast ever.”

America’s Next Top Model Recap

The episode begins with a flash forward, where we see ANTM’s matriarch, Tyra Banks, standing at the red carpet of the finale. “In moments, the final two will be walking, STOMPING this runway. And only one of them will be crowned America’s next top model. So, how did this journey begin? Well, here’s the story…”

With the stakes set, we rewind to the beginning of the journey, where Banks explains how 31 finalists were selected from thousands of wannabe models who applied on many different social media platforms. Banks then makes it known that for the first season ever, there are no height limitations: “With social media discovering stars, anything goes!”

We move to the Park Plaza hotel, where we’re introduced to the male half of the finalists.

Standouts include Nyle, the first deaf contestant on the show; 18-year-old high school wrestler Dustin, who describes himself as a “happy-go-lucky farmboy that’s turning into a star”; Bello, who sets up his narrative as though he’s a reality TV mastermind: “I’m the guy who’s risking everything to be here. I auditioned [everywhere] with the last $1000 I had;” and Mikey, who has done spreads with Kate Upton: “When you walk into the room, you better be aware.”

As the guys meet and greet, they’re quickly distracted by the flock of female models, who include Lacey,  the self-proclaimed small town virgin; Mamé, a diplomat’s daughter; and Alexa, who loves her boobs “pre-op and post-op.”

After everyone gets introduced, the models take a bus to the Hollywood Highline, where Tyra introduces her fellow judges for cycle 22. This year, judges include: photographer Yu Tsai, fashion publicist Kelly “Cutthroat” Cutrone and runway coach Miss J.

In the model’s first challenge, they’re required to walk the Hollywood Highline red carpet in swimwear. The catch: fans are allowed to run in front of them and do everything to distract.

After the challenge, the models hang amongst themselves (read: producers ask them to start drama) as the judges deliberate. Stefano makes Alexa cry by saying she’s a basic, blond-haired, big-breasted chick who “doesn’t deserve to be here.” Bello freaks out because someone accidentally broke his crown and Bryant confirms he’s the dictionary definition of a narcissist: “When I get my picture taken, it’s almost orgasmic to me. I feel sexier when I’m in front of a camera than I do naked with a girl in bed.”

As the drama ensues, the judges bring the contestants in one by one to judge them on how they did and to learn more about them (read: to ask about their backstory so viewers can feel more connected to certain characters). We learn about Alexa’s struggle with anorexia and depression; about how Mikey is one of the first men in his family not to wind up in prison; and about how Ashley was molested as a child, where Tyra responds by flatly reacting with: “Sorry.”

In the last scene, the finalists are told that the competition is dwindling down to 22 contestants. To find out who will remain, the models have to jump into a foam pit and retrieve balloons that have the remaining contestants names on them. Included on this list are Nyle (the first deaf contestant), farmboy Dustin, Alexa,  Ashley, Bello and more.

The first episode of ANTM’s cycle 22 gave viewers just what they wanted: an hour long escape into a world of hot bodies, big egos, and shamelessly constructed drama by the queen bee of drama herself, Ms. Tyra Banks.