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FUNNY: Rick Santorum Does NOT Own The Sweater Vest

FUNNY: Rick Santorum Does NOT Own The Sweater Vest

02/24/2012

There are plenty of questions floating around about Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum. Is he real? Is he fake? Does he support earmarks? Is he against them? Does he get angry when he Googles himself? Does he get googly-eyed when he santorums himself? All fair questions.

Here's another one: Does he really think he's the first prominent figure to rock the sweater vest? We've seen the way he smugly wears them to events and rallies, looking like a cross between a gay elementary school teacher and a JC Penney mannequin. We've seen his supporters, donning sweater vests in his signature color (brown) and wearing them like bulletproof armor to the debates, as if Jesus doesn't already protect Soldiers of Christ from all forms of bodily harm.

We've seen all this — and we're not happy. When we think "sweater vest," Santorum is not even one of the first four names that poop pop into our heads. Instead, they are:

1. Ellen DeGeneres. While it might be interpreted as deliberately unfair to put Ellen and Santorum in such close proximity, given their differences (he's notoriously anti-gay, and she's famously anti-douchebag), we can't argue with the facts: Santorum totally got the sweater vest idea from Ellen, who's been wearing them on her talk show ever since it premiered in 2003 — and probably before then.

2. Doug. You remember him, right, from '90s Nickelodeon? He had a blue friend named Skeeter and a girlfriend named Patty Mayonnaise. If Santorum really wants to be a die-hard sweater vest-er, then he could take a few notes from Doug, who wore that same green vest, along with those same khaki shorts and baggy-sleeved undershirt, every frickin' day of his life. Now that's the kind of commitment we'd be looking for in a presidential candidate.

3. Ryan Reynolds. In films like The Green Lantern and Safe House, Reynolds plays the tough guy, but in real life he's a softie who likes to have his chiseled middle section comfortably and stylishly adorned with wool, sometimes in one solid color, sometimes in an exotic pattern like argyle or stripes. He's even modeled sweater vests for Ralph Lauren, which means that instead of shelling out tons of dough for his collection, Reynolds gets paid to wear them. How's that for fiscally conservative?

4. Betty White. On The Golden Girls, as everyone knows, Rue McClanahan's character Blanche was known as the stylish one. She wore silk lingerie and pearl earrings — all pretty trashy, if you ask us. The true style icon was White's character, Rose, who was always classy and understated, be it in a graphic sweater vest or a pair of culottes. Kate Middleton, eat your heart out!

—JUSTIN JANNISE

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Read more: Ellen DeGeneres, Doug, Ryan Reynolds, Betty White

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